I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
