Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
