Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
