i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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