you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
