What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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