Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
