maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it because I queefed?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
