Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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