I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
