My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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