How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize