This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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