forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
