Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
