Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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