No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
