I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
