I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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