I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
