I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
