Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
