I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
