I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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