i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
