I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
