First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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