I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
