I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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