I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
