i jhust puked up my retainher.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
