i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
