we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
