i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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