my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
