There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
