The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
