Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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