Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
