What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
