every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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