i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
