I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
