my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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