Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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