In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
