I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
