I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
