come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize