3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
