will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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