i wish my penis had a tongue
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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