sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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