so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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