and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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