how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
