it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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