I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
