four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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