How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
