dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
