The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
