She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
