I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
