His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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