sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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