The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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