he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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