***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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