So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
