you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
