You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
