i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need moral support for this bender
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
