dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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