I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got inside last night via doggy door
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
