They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
