i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
