sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
